Arbusto Goes to the Movies

Star Trek (2009)

2009-05-19T20:37:00.001-05:00

Absolutely awesome.

Great story, awesome action, sweet "new" franchise.

Transformers

2007-07-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

A memory from my childhood that was not ruined.

Transformers is possibly one the best known of the 80s cartoons. It was a huge success then and made for the greatest toys ever. Still, it had deep lore and some intriguing history to it for a kids' show. There were later installments of the show, too, often not adding anything and usually playing into the recent kids trends. For example, one of the more recent incarnations was Transformers: Armada. In that series the two factions fought over "Mini-cons" that would give power ups to the major transformers. It was very much Pokemon - collect and trade power ups. But the show was miserable and did nothing.

However, this movie takes us all the way back to the 80s and does so quite well. It was fast paced, high tech and fantastic. Not a whole lot of story to the movie but likely a major introduction to attempt a series of movies.

The CGI robots were amazing. I loved that they worked some of the original sounds into the transformations. The movie had no qualms about going back and forth between vehicle and biped constantly. And it was flawless. Nothing was overboard. Even the explosions were tame.

Acting? Good enough. No complaints from me. They had the original Optimus Prime voice, how could I complain?

A couple little complaints. Optimus is this ultimate wise leader. But he was a bit dumb in the movie early on. The humor of the movie seemed to work well throughout the movie but use the other characters. Optimus should not be that dumb.

More decipticons! Not nearly enough of them in the movie.

Slight cheese factor near the end slightly out of place with the pace that was going in the climactic fight scene. I don't mind the little bit of story going on there but it was out of place.

4.25 of 5. Pure fun. Total action flick. Very, very enjoyable.

Rentals

2007-06-03T15:35:00.000-05:00

Hannibal Rising - 1.5 of 5. Started off pretty strong as it seemed like it would be suspenseful and creepy. Died right out after that. Nothing mysterious about it. Mediocre acting. A very formulaic movie to boot.

American Dreamz - 2.75 of 5. Slightly amusing but far too obvious mockery/parody of Idol, the President and the "war" - went way over the top. Needed a bit more subtlety, or just a bit of cleverness. The characters were kind of fun. I appreciate Mandy Moore. Is Hugh Grant losing his accent?

Se7en - 4.25 of 5. Very suspenseful and intriguing. I love mysteries like this. I wish they went a little more into the details of the murders.

Casino Royale - 4 of 5. Saw this in theaters over the summer and it's a great movie. It's far less over the top gadgety gizmos that Bond was turning into in the last installments. There was much more story to this and Daniel Craig is awesome.

Netflix vs. Blockbuster

2007-05-30T19:39:00.000-05:00

I've recently dropped Netflix in favor of Blockbuster: Total Access.

Thus far, Blockbuster is a bit slower in sending movies and the whole "turn into the store and it's entered immediately" thing is a bit of a lie. It still takes them a day or two to acknowledge they've reentered it into the system. I do like the trade in policy - I get twice as many movies for the same price as Netflix.

So far I've watched:

28 Days Later: 3 of 5 A British "zombie" movie similar to Dawn of the Dead. A bit slower and kind of a repeat of that movie. Nice little twist thrown in. Still suspenseful and creepy. But not all that scary.

Amadeus: 4 of 5 - Had never seen this classic before. I really enjoyed it. Probably would have had a greater appreciation had I had any knowledge of classical music. Fun, entertaining and a very good plot with interesting characters.

TMNT

2007-05-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

Only went to this for the nostalgia factor. Average enough for that. Really a kid's movie. Had they wanted a pg-13, I think it could have been a much better movie.

Not a whole lot to tell. It's a Turtle's movie but completely CGI rather than the costumed guys of long ago. Some story of an ancient general attaining immortality but at a price - his "family" of generals are frozen in stone. The event that allowed him to become immortal occurs every several thousand years. Present day, several thousand years later, Leo has run off and the Turtles are in a bit of disarray. Oh noes! The plot is predictable; from this summary you should be able to guess the rest of the story.

The movie's themes are simplistic because it is a kid's movie. Nothing to complain about.

2.5 of 5. The CGI is clean. The voice-acting fair enough. Just a 25 year old going to a kid's movie.

Hot Fuzz

2007-05-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

Hilarious! I love these guys.

From the makers of Shaun of the Dead comes Hot Fuzz. A police comedy. Big city cop, obsessed with his job gets sent to Po-dunk, England. Hijinks ensue. The filmmakers profit.

The movie opens well. The main character does a bit of narration about his career and training. He then has a funny meeting with some of the higher-ups. He then heads off to Nowheresville. And the movie dies.

The first half of the movie, cutting out the very first 5-10 minutes, is rather boring. It drags, isn't very funny but it's setting the scene. The plot is being established and some chracters fleshed out.

The second half is possibly the greatest movie I have ever seen. Pure genius. Pure hilarity. And non-stop fun. I have a slight qualm with the very ending. The movie could have wrapped up more smoothly without the last explosion. It just felt like they needed to throw in one last gag. They'd brought in this prop early on and needed to use it and this was the best they could come up with.

4 of 5 - Overall, go see it. Slow start but ever so funny in the second half.

Spiderman 3

2007-05-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Terrible. While Spiderman 1 and 2 were among the best superhero movies ever, this was terrible.

Let's start at the beginning. The movie shouldn't have. It was boring. A really dull fight scene. Then lots of "plot" that simply drags on forever. I was contemplating napping. Then there's a giant crane accident. Spiderman saves one person but completely ignores the crane. Way to go, tiger.

This movie was really 3 in one. You have a Sandman movie that just seems a bit thrown in there. A venom movie without barely any appearance by Venom and then a drama movie between Spidey and Mary Jane. The Goblin Jr. story isn't really big enough to deserve it's own. So there's way too much going on for one thing. No character development at all.

The black spider suit turns Peter emo and goth. He looks just like one of the South Park goth kids. The movie doesn't really develop that it makes him aggressive and angry much except in the only one good fight scene in the whole movie and that is the second one between Spidey and Harry. It shows what the suit is really doing to him. The jazz club scene was just dumb and pointless.

The final fight scene was terribly cheesy. Gag-o-rama for sure. And it was rudely interrupted by a bad joke with J. Jonah and was a way to get Sam Raimi's daughter into the film.

Topher Grace is a terrible Eddie Brock. I enjoy Topher but Eddie is supposed to be a guy who can bench 700 lbs no problem. That's what makes Venom so deadly is that Eddie is already a badass.

I can't say much about Thomas Haden Church as Sandman. The entire part was poorly done and written. It seemed like it was just slopped in there for no reason.

Kirsten Dunst was annoying. They should not have done a close up of her face when she was supposedly "singing." It made it even more unconvincing.

Tobey McGuire didn't seem like he cared about the part anymore.

Do not see this if you can help it.

1.5 of 5.

Netflix

2007-02-07T17:45:00.000-06:00

I recently started in with the Netflix. I've watched a few things with it.

A brief summary.

Tron: a classic Brooklyn would not watch with me. Highly recommended - 4 of 5.

Rushmore: very creative, highly entertaining. Fun and smart. 3.75 of 5

Thank you for Smoking: also very smart, loved the acting and the way it was done. 4 of 5.

John Tucker Must Die: a good stupid movie. Hot chicks; silly, pointless plot. Good for a quick humor fix. 2.75 of 5

Fantastic Four: let's not go there. 1.5 of 5

Lucky Number Slevin: good, solid action movie. Loved that Hartnet guy. 3.5 of 5

March of the Penguins: I can't go here either. This movie makes me cry. Poor penguins. Cute babies! 3 of 5.

History of the World Part I: hilarious, genius. I love Mel Brooks. 4.5 of 5.

Blazing Saddles: not that good. Rather indifferent on the matter. 2.5 of 5.

Cars

2006-07-15T09:36:00.000-05:00

Fairly cute movie, good amount of humor but nothing terribly original. As much as I hate NASCAR, I love Pixar.

The usual opening animated short was absolutely great. They should make a whole 2 hours movie of these shorts.

As to the movie for which I went to the theater: Lightning McQueen is the hotshot rookie sensation tied for the lead in the Piston. He's got skills but he's an arogant bitchhead. On his way to his last race he falls out of his Mack truck and gets lost in the middle of nowhere. He then gets in lots of trouble and has to fix things. Flah flah flah. He meets good people (read: cars). Yadda yadda yadda. Learns the lessons he needs to learn and off he goes to win with the support of his new friends.

So we all know the story is pretty predictable and formulaic. The animation is fantastic as usual. Lots of little jokes for kids and lots of little jokes for adults. Lots of little things to be watching for (like flies being VW bugs). One question: how do the cars reproduce? Since they have cars doing everything, do cars build other cars? Do the cars have sex? Being this is a kids movie, I'm betting the former so then who built the first car or who built the thing that allows for the construction of the first car? Flah flah flah.

It's an endearing, enjoyable movie. But it doesn't really jump out and isn't heartwarming like Nemo or Monster's Inc. Many of the side characters were more interesting than the main characters. Luigi (voiced by Monk) and Guido. Owen Wilson's Lightning wasn't all that appealing. The entire racing premise was just dull.

I also really enjoyed the ending sequence in the drive in theater watching "Toy Car Story" and "Monster Truck Inc." That was quality.

I need to stop going to any movie that could possibly be construed as a kids movie at any time kids may be in attendence.

3 of 5.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

2006-07-10T16:42:00.000-05:00

This movie was highly disappointing. It's sad that it took in so much money over the weekend and beat Spiderman's record.

The first Pirates: fantastic! It was witty, clever, good action, acting and plot.

This pirates movie: blows. I was totally let down by everytyhing. A kid on the radio summed it up as "Funny and dumb."

My problems in the movie
1. It was far too long. The scene where Depp is ruler of the people was completely pointless. Could have been cut.
2. Not nearly as clever and funny. It was as if they were trying too hard to recreate the magic of the first one. For example, Depp's big roundabout descriptions were too much. They were out of place. No witty banter. Ugh. Complete lack of fun this time around.
3. Too much focus on special effects. The characters they created were fantastic and amazing and looked really good but I'd rather have good plot. Put more money into writing.
4. Too many thick accents. I had no idea what many people were saying.
5. I had no idea what was going on. Ever. Too many things were going on that didn't make any sense and too many people kept randomly popping up without explanation. No wonder the movie was too long. It was too long and I still don't know what was going on!
6. The end. It just ends. Bah. Had there been a bit more closure, things may not have been so bad but I left with a bad feeling on that too.
7. Orlando Bloom. Can he play any other characters? Can he act? I don't think he can anymore. He better hope for more Lord of the Rings movies somehow. Spin offs for the elves.

What did I like:
Depp still plays a great character. The character is fun even if written poorly. You know the potential for good humor is there.
The effects were great and the new creatures were awesome to see. They were fun to watch.
There were some funny parts. Not al lthat many but there were.
I think somewhere in there if you can cut off some of the excess there may be an interesting plot. I want to see what happens with it.
I do like the semi-surprise at the ending.

I know there's a sequel scheduled for release next May and I'll probably see it just so the story is complete. But I don't recommend seeing this one so you're not angry you have to waste more money to see the next one.

2 of 5.

Superman Returns

2006-07-04T18:19:00.000-05:00

Very similar to my feelings on the recent X-Men movie. Not a bad movie, but nothing spectacular.

This movie was supposed to have a loose basis on the previous Superman movies. I admit I've only seen bits and pieces of thsoe, never the entirety in one sitting. This felt completely different than those.

It was slightly darker and deeper. This can be good. Spiderman is a fantastic movie because he shows vulnerability and humanity. Maybe that's hard to do with Superman because he's not human? But he has emotion. Superman has deep personal conflicts, mostly involving Lois. Lois has some of those, too, involving Superman and Cyclops, I mean her husband Richard. And Lex? He was kind of lame. I love Spacey and think he could be great as Lex but the character was written so blandly. He didn't seem neither evil nor genius enough. And he was just so boring.

The movie itself is very well made. It was beautiful to watch. Very smooth. Good effects. Superman spent a lot of time picking things up (or catching them) and putting them down - airplanes, cars, giant metallic globes. Was this to show off their technological prowess in movie making? I was impressed with Brandon Routh's portrayal of Superman. I didn't realize his voice was that deep. He had the clean cut lines of Christopher Reeves. I can't really tell you if he can act because he didn't have a whole lot to say. And the plot? Meh. Wasn't a very interesting conflict.

I wanted more with Superman (show me he can act, plus he's the main character). I wanted more of the kid (he was funny and cute). I wanted to read Lois's article (I think a nice little narration of the article as he goes about saving people would have been awesome).

It was good but I felt unsatisfied again.

3 of 5.

X-Men 3: The Last Stand

2006-05-29T14:36:00.000-05:00

This review about sums up my feelings on this movie. By the way, stick through the credits for a surprise.

It wasn't a bad movie by any means but it wasn't near as good as the previous two movies. There was a lot going on in this movie and they didn't really go anywhere with any of it. I was disappointed by that aspect. Also, why the heck was Xavier such a crotchety old man? He's supposed to be a genius. He wouldn't yell at Wolverine like that unprovoked. He would have known Wolverine didn't do anything. That really pissed me off.

I know this movie got quite a bit of the comic stuff wrong. The entire Phoenix saga is wrong. I never did like the Phoenix story, or understand it. While I did understand it this time, I didn't like how they implemented it. It just struck me as bad storytelling. I also didn't like that they made Juggernaut a mutant (when he ran into that wall, he would have gone through as he'd be unaffected) and didn't say anything about him being Xavier's brother.

Overall, though, I was completely enthralled. I wanted to see the story through and believed in most of the characters. I'm in love with Hugh Jackman. Kelsey Grammar was pretty damn good as Beast. Give me more Colossus! Kitty Pryde was cute. I still think Storm needs to be recast as I haven't liked her from the beginning (watching the first X-men movie extra scenes, she has a really bad accent and that "what happens when a toad is struck by lightening, the same thing that happens to everything else" line is the worst bit of writing I've ever seen) The effects were great. Story decent. But when it was done, I just felt incomplete.

3 of 5. I think it gets that high just because I'm a geek and like the x-men.

The Ringer

2006-05-29T14:23:00.000-05:00

Johnny Knoxville attempts to rig the Special Olympics so he can win some money for various reasons. The reasons don't matter as the entire set-up is dumb.

This movie had comedic gold written all over it. What better set up for some stupid, physical comedy? If only it had lived up to that promise by even the slightest fraction. The movie falls apart from the outset with so many jokes falling completely flat or being far too easily predictable.

The movie is not offensive as some would think by its topic. Knoxville's character goes out of his way early on to correct his uncle on perceptions of the Olympic participants. The movie portrays these athletes quite well and they do offer the most humor in the movie (sadly, if you've seen the previews, that's all you need to see).

The entire plot was entirely too simplistic and predictable. If you want any suspense, stop reading now. But the "surprises" aren't worth the cost of the movie. Glen, who also appeared in Galaxy Quest, is obviously not challenged in reality like the other actors. And there's no point for his character to be in the movie other than to win the Olympics in the end, which he does. The love story between Knoxville and Katherine Heigl (who was so much hotter in Roswell, which was the worst TV series ever) is entirely pointless.

1 of 5. A few laughs but otherwise worthless.

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

2006-05-10T12:40:00.000-05:00

A well-made and beautiful movie that really isn't all that interesting.

I assume most people know the plot: kids into wardrobe, meet the witch, she wants them dead, go go gadget lion.

Overall, the movie wasn't that impressive. It was a well-made movie, though. The visuals were stunning, the effets great and the soundtrack was fantastic. The acting was even quality. I just wasn't interested in the plot. Maybe that's my problem. I recently read the books. Those didn't catch my imagination either. They are children's books. This is a movie based upon a child's book. It kept to the simplistic plot of that book. Maybe had I been more attached to them as a child, rather than really reading them at 24, the movie would have been better. As it stands, I could have cared less. I mean, Harry Potter is supposedly a childrens book but I find that highly fascinating. It can't be about me not suspending my disbelief. I fully accepted magic, travel between worlds without any passage of time and talking animals. I just didn't care about the movie.

I think part of my problem is the characters are all so 2-D. They showed just one side and never grew at all. Susan was a complete, cold-hearted bitch. The only worthwhile or interesting thing she did in the entire movie was shoot the dwarf. She kept yelling at everyone, haranging Peter and always saying everything was a bad idea.

Lucy was an obnoxious little pratt who happened to look like a pig (her nose was already upturned). She was likely a simpleton (not in the same way SouthernCanadian is). A true dimwit.

Peter was just completely lame. What a boring character.

Edmund was the only one to show any growth at all. He learned lessons and you could see it. I didn't see it in anybody else.

I really wasn't convinced by these characters. I'm not convinced they'd make good kings and queens. I mean Lucy is going to gush anytime she sees a shiny object and cry anytime a bug is crushed. She'll be so distracted that nothing will get done. At the end, Peter asks Ed, "When are you going to start doing what you're told?" Ed should have replied, "When you start telling me the right thing to do." Peter had not done anything right in the movie. Every time he wielded a sword it looked like he was about to lose his own arm.

Overall, though, it wasn't a bad movie by any means. It was just average. As I said, it was very well done but I simply was not entrhalled by it. I wasn't in a rush for it to end like some bad movies. The soundtrack was phenomonal. I usually don't pay attention to that but I couldn't help but notice it. It was that good.

2.5 of 5. Just average.

Quick Recaps

2006-04-17T08:36:00.000-05:00

No time to write full reviews but here are my brief reviews of movies I've seen in the past months.

King Kong - 3.5 of 5. Good movie. A fair amount of action. Naomi Watts is great but looks like a rip off of Nicole Kidman. Don't know why the T-Rexs were trying to eat her as she's just a toothpick to her. Gets a big long. I enjoy Jack Black but am not sure I like him in this role.

Crash - 5 of 5. Wow. This movie was fantastic. I see why it won. I love these types of movies where a bunch of different stories intertwine. I nearly cried at one point. I never want to live in a city like L.A. or be a district attorney. I was completely enthralled for the entirety. Don Cheadle and Brendan Frasier are some of my favorite actors.

She's the Man - 3 of 5. Totally Shakespeare. They even use the same names. Was a fun movie. Entertaining and funny. The man act does get a bit over the top for me but I'm sure women like it. Worth a watch.

Howl's Moving Castle - 4.5 of 5. This was awesome. I was totally captivated. Miyasaki's moving make absolutely no sense throughout but at the end there's a big payoff. But you're still having fun trying to figure out what's going on.

Inherit the Wind - 3 of 5. A replay of the Scope trial from long ago. For those of you not legally minded, that's the evolution in the schools trial. A bit over the top but I love movies like this that challenge your thinking. Roommate was ripping on it for falsifying the actual events. I do believe that's why they change the names. I still like it. Bewarned: it's an older movie in black and white.

Walk the Line - 3 of 5. Another good movie but goes a bit long. I cared nothing about Johnny Cash but love Joaquin Phoenix. I was not let down by him at all or Reese Witherspoon. They were superb. The movie drags at times. Still worth seeing it just has built in snack breaks.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

2005-11-14T17:57:00.000-06:00

Not Depp's best but the movie is entertaining.

Seen Willy Wonka? Same basic plot with a few tweaks.

I enjoyed this movie. It was highly odd and quirky, to put it mildly. The visuals were great and the kids were fine in their roles. The story was moderatly the same with a few different twists towards the end. The Oompa Loompas were the best! Only one actor played them all (and, boy, did he have a lot of work to do; we watched the special on the DVD about it and it's way cool). Depp's performance was more than odd and very creepy. It slightly detracts from the movie. I'm not sure if it's just in comparison to Gene Wilder but then I don't think that's it.

3.5 of 5. Worthwhile and entertaining but I won't be surprised if you don't like it.

Christmas with the Kranks.

2005-11-14T17:53:00.000-06:00

Do not see this movie. Leave it to the folks at MST3K (I'm still hoping for a revival).

Brief summary: The parents decide not to have christmas festivities and instead want to run off on a tropical vaction. The neighbors think this is blasphemy. Within minimal time until the holiday, the daughter decides to come back and Christmas is on.

Everything sucked. The story, the acting, the story and even more of the story. Yes, it was bad. Highly predictable, horribly done. Bah. Don't waste your time or money.

0 of 5. Not worth anything.

Sin City

2005-08-12T11:06:00.000-05:00

Intriguing concept for a movie.

There is no single identifiable plot. It's several stories that happen to take place in the same city and each contains cameos from the others. One story involves Marv (Mickey Rourke) who is treated nicely by a woman who is then killed. He goes out to find her murderer. Another involves Bruce Willis as a good cop who saves a little girl and is then framed as her defiler. Always lots of violence and strange characters.

I liked the stories. They were very interesting and engaging. The characters themselves were strange. The city is huge with lots of depth and history. Sadly, we don't get much of that history. The visuals were awesome. I liked this style and effects. However, I don't think many of these bigi name actors can play these types of roles. Bruce Willis and Brittany Murphy to name just a couple. The roles should be filled with people like Humphery Bogart. There's a way of delivering the lines and having prescence which this doesn't quite live up to. Their physical performances were fine but the dialogue just didn't quite come off. It felt cornball. Still, there were many people who gave good performances. Mickey Rourke was amazing. Jessica Alba was far better than I expected. And Willis wasn't so bad when he wasn't narrating.

3.25 of 5. Good plot lines, good visuals. Performances so so.

Love Stinks

2005-08-11T13:18:00.000-05:00

Watched this at a request and it was worthwhile.

At his best friend's,Bill Bellamy, wedding, French Steward falls for one of the bridesmaids. Let the games begin. After one night, she quits her job to focus on him, eventually moves in and is pursuing him for marriage from the outset. He doesn't come along as easily as she wants, but far easier than he should, and all hell breaks loose.

Very funny, entertaining flick. I wasn't sure about French Stewart in his part but he works as it's a very comedic performance. Not as slapstick as something Chevy Chase or Jim Carrey would do but still a lot of facial and bodily humor. Bill Bellamy can't act and the narration of parts of the story is a tad annoying and pointless. However, the movie is funny. Their pranks and fighting are quality and the ending is fantastic. Sadly, I think I got more annoyed with the girl than I should have. It seemed to almost go extreme but it plateued nicely. There are a few plot things to nitpick at but should really get with the "suspension of disbelief" thing and just enjoy the ride.

3.5 of 5 very worthwhile.

Mean Girls

2005-08-09T11:04:00.000-05:00

Um, yeah, so who doesn't like looking at Lindsay Lohan?

Lohan was homeschooled until 16 when her parents finally decide to send her off to public school. Here she meets some people who become her friends and she learns all about the clicks of public shool life. They then decide to have Lohan become a spy for the "Plastics" (the attractive girls everyone wants but are really snobbish and bitchy). Eventually, Lohan becomes so engrossed in the plastic life that she forgets about her real friends and starts a war amongst the plastics. Lessons learned at the end, happily-ever-after.

It was a fairly decent movie. Entertaining and short skirts: the best combinations. Though fairly formulaic, it brought some cleverness. There was good dialouge. Damian was an awesome character. And it was fun to watch the Plastics fight amongst themselves.

3 of 5. Funny, sometimes witty, though a tad predictable.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

2005-08-09T10:51:00.000-05:00

You see this movie for what it could have been and you're greatly disappointed with what it is.

The year is 1899 and Europe is on the brink of war. A mysterious man is invading countries with different armies (the Brits used to make raids into Germany; Germans into Britain) causing all kinds of unrest. He also has super new weapons for the ages: machine guns and tanks. Sean Connery is recruited to help save the British empire. At his debriefing he meets the other extraordinaries: Captain Nemo, Skinner (the invisible man) and a woman who turns out to be a vapmire. They go off and recruit a couple more people and then try to save the world. A few twists and turns later they learn to get along, save the world and all is happy with an ending fit for a sequel had this movie done well.

First of all, getting these fantastic characters together with unique abilities and who are world famous expecting them to work together is liking watching the US Men's Olympic basketball team: they just don't mesh and all have huge egos. Then you add in the idea that the movie can't really decide if it's fantasy/comic book with all the really cool, legandary characters or whether it's sci-fi with wigged out technology and special effects. Not much time is spent with the characters but is rather spent watching all the cool things the filmmakers could do with computers and whatnot. It's nice to see in 1899 that Captain Nemo has better technology than we do today. His submarine, the Nautilus, looks like an ornate pistol. You know the kind: the really fancy, old-fahsioned, mother of pearl sort of six-shooter. Needless to say, though I'll say it anyway, the movie was disappointing. The story could have been interesting if the "twists" weren't so obvious. The characters were cool to see and fun to watch, when you did get to see them. Basically, all you're watching are a bunch of special effects. You can't even really enjoy Connery. While his voice is still pretty awesome, he's getting old and you can see it in this film.

2 of 5 for some pretty wicked, fun effects.

The Punisher

2005-08-04T09:56:00.000-05:00

A dark comic book movie.

Frank Castle works for the FBI and on his last raid a gangster's son is killed (mostly 'cause the kid is an idiot and pulls a gun but the gangster doesn't care). Castle then retires. Travolta is the gangster who then orders Castle's entire family slaughtered, Castle included. Unfortunately for Travolta, they don't quite kill Castle. The entire time Castle is out killing the baddies and doing his thing he's not claiming to do it for revenge but to punish the bad guys. This is why he is called "The Punisher." He's operating outside the law only because the law in extreme cases is inadequate.

This was good. It is nothing like X-men or Spiderman. This guy has no super powers but how to fight and use guns. Plus, he kills and maims and tortures. There is nothing "feel good" about this movie. It is, however, still very interesting and very well done. He's not invincible so gets his ass kicked a lot. Nothing is really over the top about the movie. I don't know how true this is to the comics but I watched the "Origins" special on the DVD and it seemed like there were several different beginnings in the comics. I don't know how Castle survived his "death," either; I think I blinked and missed it. Other than him explicitly stating it, the Punisher's message does not come across clearly. He has one little confrontation with the mayor (or maybe it was the police chief) and I think that's where we're supposed to see it but they kind of missed the mark on that part.

4 of 5. Very well done, nothing campy, quality characters.

Dumb and Dumberer

2005-08-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

The prequel to Dumb and Dumber is just plain dumb. Yes, that was lame sounding but I can't do anything better with this movie.

Harry (the blonde one) has been homeschooled until this year and is finally going to public school. Lloyd is the school janitor's son and has been living in the basement of the school. The school principal is a shyster out to take all the school's money to own a house on Waikiki. Their destinies collide on the very first day when the principal decides to try for $100k grant for special needs classes. Harry and Lloyd are the first students tagged for the class who are then told to recruit others. Hot on the pricipal's trail is Jessica, an investigative school reporter who smells something fishy. Hilarity is supposed to ensue but doesn't really.

The first problem with this movie is that the actor who plays Lloyd is not really playing the character but is playing Jim Carrey playing the role of Lloyd. While he does look and sound uncannily like Carrey, the performance doesn't seem all that natural. The next problem is that the movie tries too hard to be funny. While some of what occurs is funny (such as the game of tag with the 7-11 clerk or some of the word play) other times it falls short or is just too forced and/or slapstick (such as Bob Saget yelling, "There is shit everywhere!"). I probably should have expected this but it's still disappointing.

2 of 5. Still has some humor to it but not all that exciting.

Without A Paddle

2005-08-02T10:34:00.000-05:00

Pretty much the same movie as "Stand By Me" but less dramatic, funnier and the kids are taller.

Three life-long buddies reunite after the fourth has died. After the funeral they decide to take a trip they had planned when they were kids in search of some legendary money. They all have issues and have to deal with them on the trip (such as Seth Green being a complete pansy). They confront bears, two rednecks growing weed and two hot, female hippies living in a tree. By the end they've all "grown up" and learned some valuable life lessons.

The movie felt exactly likfe "stand by Me." A group of friends goes off in search of some sort of "treasure." Except here the friends are already supposed to be grown up. The movie is funny but some of the stuff is a bit potty humor. It's also pretty predictable. Doesn't mean it's not good. The methods are sometimes pretty funny. I'm a fan of Seth Green and Matthew Lillard. Not so much of Dax Shepard.

3 of 5. Worth a rent with some good friends. Probably better while intoxicated.

Eulogy

2005-08-02T10:24:00.000-05:00

Now this is a screwed up family.

Rip Torn is the father to 4 children. He dies and the families get together at the old place for the funeral. The main character is the granddaughter played by Zooey Deschanel (she's the daughter of Hank Azaria in this movie). She's also the only sane one in this movie but she has some issues with one of the local boys. The family is crazy. Ray Romano has twins who are absolute hormonal pricks. They drove away their mother at age 11. One of Torn's daughters is a lesbian who is then constantly persecuted by the other daughter for her lifestyle. Nobody pays any attention to the widowed grandmother who spends the movie trying to kill herself. It makes for quite hilarious situations.

The movie is really funny for the first half but dies off for the actual funeral. It regains the funny afterwards. It has a few predictable moments but most of the humor is very clever and, I felt, very well done. It also has a few unique twists.

3.5 of 5. Very funny, entertaining.

Pooh's Heffalump Movie

2005-07-31T09:35:00.000-05:00

How can you go wrong with Winnie the Pooh and a purple, British elephant?

The residents of 100-acre-woods are roused from their sleep one morning by a distant trumpeting noise. Everyone rushes off to Rabbit's for an explanation. Here, they stumble across large footprints which they recognize as the fearsome Heffalump's. So begins the Heffalump expedition which is expected to be highly dangerous. Sadly, the "grown ups" won't allow Roo to come along though he is the only one able to perform any of the training. So he sneaks away on his own. Who finds the Heffalump? Roo, of course, who then discovers that both sides of the fence have some learning to do about the other and things aren't always what they appear.

I watched this one just because I wanted to see a British elephant (thank you HWV screener DVD). At the end of this movie I felt happy. It was cutesy and adorable and funny. Nobody pays attention to Eyor despite him carrying the contents of the 100-acre woods on his back. Piglet goes around planting little piglet seeds (so they're pink jelly beans but they look like what piglet probably did at one point). Yes, it is a simplistic movie but the characters are funny in their simpleness. Rabbit: Sorry, Roo, you can't come. The Heffalump expedition is frought with danger. Roo: But..! Tigger: Sorry, Roo, you just can't argue with a word like "frought." Of course, the big payoff is seeing an elephant speak with a British accent.

3.5 of 5. A feel-good time. It made me so happy. And it's only an hour long.

Team America: World Police

2005-07-29T10:06:00.000-05:00

Team America saves the world time and again from the evil terrorists.

I'm not even going to go into the plot of this one. It doesn't matter. The whole thing is a giant farce of everything. Just know that puppets try to stop terrorists.

The South Park guys are geniuses. If you think that show and this movie are simply potty humor I have no respect for you. There's a lot more into these things. They mock Republicans, Democrats and actors. They leave nothing un-made-fun-of. There are great songs ("Montage" and "Pearl Harbor" are my favorites). My roommate was watching parts of it with me (his second time) and I was pointing out some of the more clever things he missed the first time. The only downfall of this movie is the sex scene. Other than that a very enjoyable movie.

4.25 of 5. Loved it. Was so much fun and hilarious.

Death to Smoochy

2005-07-29T09:51:00.000-05:00

The true ugly under belly of kids TV is exposed in this film. No, it's not a documentary just a fun take on what goes on behind the scenes.

Rainbow Randolph (Robin Williams) is busted by the Feds and loses his show. The TV execs want somebody totally clean so they find Ed Norton's Smoochy. Ed is a total moral pillar: healthy foods, clean messages, nothing dirty, etc. The TV world tries to take advantage of him but he'll have none of it. Now everybody is out to kill him, including Rainbow Randolph for taking his time slot.

The movie is very off the wall and weird but somehow remains funny. I'm not sure Robin Williams is a fit for his character but Norton is good. The other characters that make appearances are entertaining as well. Plus, it has midgets and when can you go wrong with little people? The movie is funny so long as you remember it's a parody of kids TV. At no point should you take it seriously.

3 of 5. It's odd and off the wall and quite possibly worth a rent (especially a free rental).

SpongeBob SquarePants

2005-07-26T16:46:00.000-05:00

Entertaining kids flick of underwater proportions.

SpongeBob wakes up one morning dreaming of a managment promotion only to be shafted and told he's too immature. He then offers to save the King's crown and goes on a quest with Patrick. Hilarity ensues.

It's SpongeBob so it's dumb. But it's so dumb it's funny. I've never really watched the Sponge so I probably didn't appreciate it as much as others. I got kind of bored with the movie. The plot was very predictable since it's a kids' movie but you don't always know what Spongebob and Patrick are going to do to get there. Scarlett Johansson is not a voice actress and her performance as the daughter of the King is very lacking and unconvincing.

2.75 of 5. Again, just above average. Probably my own fault for not knowing Squarebob that well.

Mr. 3000

2005-07-26T16:40:00.000-05:00

A predictable baseball movie starring Bernie Mac.

Mac was a baseball player for the Brewers when he got 3000 hits. Thinking that was an automatic entry into the Hall of Fame, Mac retires. Ten years later it is discovered that he didn't have 3000 hits and his hopes of entering the Hall begin fading very quickly. He signs up with the last place Brewers in the middle of the season to get his hits.

It's a predictable sports movie where Mac learns some life lessons while teaching the young 'uns on the team how to be a team. It's not the typical worst to first story since they don't even try for first, it's impossible. They just go for 3rd place (very likely over the Cubs). Mac is funny. He's always entertaining so that's a plus. Some of the other characters are very likable and entertaining as well. Several others are blase and you have no care about them.

2.75 of 5. Above average due to humor.

Hitch

2005-07-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

A date doctor has a few problems with his own dating and then gets outed as the date doctor. Will love conquer all? Yes, it does get that cheesy.

Will Smith helps guys get in with girls. His formula or whatever he uses, works for those guys. Then he finds a woman he's genuinely interested in with Eva Mendes. Things don't go as well for him. Eva then finds out that he is the date doctor and feels like she's been manipulated. Smith needs to make a self-realization and then win her back.

Movie follows the typical formula: guy meets girl; guy and girl like each other; things go well; guy screws something up; girl gets mad; guy needs redemption. There's nothing new there. And there's not a whole lot new with the movie. There aren't many clever moments in the movie. Kevin James has some good moments as Smith's student. Smith and Mendes have some good moments. The entire movie was pretty much in the previews.

2.75 of 5 shrubs. Slightly above average. Not near as bad as "How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days" since the dialouge wasn't nearly as predictable.

Boogeyman

2005-07-14T10:53:00.000-05:00

A horror movie about the Boogeyman being real. Turns out to be a bad concept.

Whatever the main character's name is loses his dad when he's really young. The boogeyman takes him. For the next 15 years he's in therapy and terrified of closets and scary places. The story he is told is that his dad left. His mom dies so he has to go back home and decides to go through the old house which has been mostly abandoned. He confronts the boogeyman again.

Truthfully, the movie did have us creeped out for most of the time. That's a good sign. But then the final 20 minutes totally ruin the movie. They show the freakin' bad guy. That's not so bad but it's so horribly done. He looks like a poorly animated version of the Mummy (the Brendan Fraser movies). Very very poorly animated. The effects suck here. I'm going to ruin the movie it's so bad. It turns out that the main character created the monster. His mom always said he had a vivid imagination. Evidently enough so that he could create the monster. the Boogeyman is made up a scary figurine he has, a crow hanging from his ceiling, one of those wool hoodies and an electric ball thinger. Once he destroys those things, the monster goes away. This is horrible because kids actually did disappear for the past 15 years. We never find out what happens to them or anything.

.5 of 5 shrubs. Do not see. This movie sucked. Good concept but they can't pull it off.

Hero

2005-07-14T10:47:00.000-05:00

Very similar to Crouching Tiger, good story and some good fights.

Jet Li is a nameless prefect in the Qin kingdom. The Qin king is trying to unite all the Chinese lands into one kingdom. He's viewed as a tyrant by many. Li tells a story of how he eliminated the most dangerous assassins ever heard of.

I really liked the story of the movie and the fight scenes can be really fantastic. It's full of cinematic goodness and some artsy type scenes. However, I get really tired of the supernatural flying about, dancing in trees and on the water aspects. for some reason, those type of things annoy the hell out of me.

3 of 5 shrubs. Very good if you're into the Crouching Tiger genre. I mostly enjoyed the plot.

I Heart Huckabees

2005-07-13T20:36:00.000-05:00

Very original, hilarious movie imbued with some philosphy.

Albert is concerned about some coincidences he's had in his life so he goes to some transcendental detectives (Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman [in a very bad hairpiece]). Hilarity ensues. Hoffman tries to teach him that all of the universe is connected. He meets up with his other, played by Mark Whalberg, who's on a major crusade to end the need for oil (a noble cause indeed). Albert is also in conflict with his job. He works trying to preserve open spaces while an evil company, Huckabees, tries to buy up every piece of property. Albert runs a group to protect the land. He gets ousted by Jude Law. In all this mess, another, competing transcedentalist shows up who confuses and converts Albert and Wahlberg. Jude Law gets involved more. Funny situations abound.

This was absolutely hilarious. I was laughing from the outset until the very end. There are all kinds of little remarks made everywhere as well as blatant humorous hitting each other in the face with a big rubber ball. There is also good social commentary and philosophy. It does have some "artsy" feel to it and is slightly weird but is really entertaining. Hoffman is always good. Wahlberg is hilarious.

4.5 shrubs of 5. Quality, quality movie.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

2005-07-13T20:27:00.000-05:00

An entertaining, mostly-mindless flick involving lots of marijuana and stupidity.

Harold and Kumar (MILF-kid from American Pie and Van Wilder's assistant, respectively) live in an apartment together and are harassed by many jokers, pranksters and idiots. Harold is dumped on at work and Kumar has no goals in life but to sit on the couch and smoke weed. After one such session they decide to head to White Castle to curb their munchies only to find it no longer exists. They then head on a 45 mile trek to find the nearest one only to be sidetracked continuously in search of more pot and girls.

The movie is pretty much what you'd expect. One guy keeps getting crazy ideas and can't be talked out of them by the other. The movie is made up of mostly stupid humor and whacky situations. There is a bit more with some race issues and a couple other social issues. Overall, it's really entertaining. There are a multitude of cameos included that are worthwhile. Van Wilder and Doogie Howser are the prominent ones. The movie works because most of the humorous scenarios are done well, not taken too far to no longer be funny. Though formulaic, some of the methods are new in the humor.

3.5 shrubs of 5. Funny, entertaining, alright movie. Worth a watch with some friends.

Looney Tunes: Back in Action

2005-07-12T15:45:00.000-05:00

Fun, feel good movie. Classic Looney Tunes.

Brendan Fraser is a security guard, wannabe stunt man at Warner Brothers. Daffy Duck gets fired. They team up to find the Blue Monkey Diamond with Bugs Bunny and Jenna Elfman assisting. Steve Martin runs the evil Acme Corporation and is trying to get it himself. Hilarity ensues.

This was a very fun movie to watch. This is a movie where they do the small things right. They don't try too hard to be funny and throw all kinds of one-liners, side comments and cameos in for good times. And the cameos are awesome. From actors (Matthew Lillard, Ron Perlman) to cartoons (Foghorn Leghorn, Scooby Doo) to famous people (Jeff Gordon) to cultural references (Lost in Space, Dr. Who, Pod People). The story is a bit contrived and predictible but it's at least fun and entertaining.

3.75 shrubs of 5. If you're a fan of Looney Tunes you should easily enjoy this.

Employee of the Month

2005-07-11T17:28:00.000-05:00

Dull, highly predictable movie. Not worth the hour and a half.

David Walsh (Matt Dillon) works at a bank and has a pretty good life. He's getting married and is having his review which everyone expects him to do well at. He gets fired and the wedding gets called off in a single day. He goes back to the bank the next day for his final work day but brings a gun. It takes an hour to get this far. The next half an hour is where the "surprises" occur but you're not really surprised. I won't ruin it for you anyway.

The movie is dull. You never really care for any character, minus the strippers everywhere. They're all flat and lifeless except maybe Steve Zahn's who plays Dillon's best friend. But even he is annoying. They're some interesting cinematography but it doesn't enhance anything. There is a plethora of unnecessary crap in the movie that makes it far longer than is needed. The whole thing is uninspiring and drags on. They kept trying to surprise you but they used too much foreshadowing throughout the movie.

1 of 5 shrubs. Not worth it. Don't bother.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1990)

2005-07-07T19:25:00.000-05:00

Pretty entertaining take on Hamlet. Heavy in the Shakespearean language and references. Gets a bit confusing.

Ever wondered what went on with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern during all of Hamlet? Well, you won't really know from watching this since those two don't really know what's going on around them. The movie starts with the two of them on horseback flipping coins and debating life and philosophy. They don't know their names, what happened that day or what's going on. They meet up with a play troupe and suddenly they're at the Denmark castle. There, they really don't know what's going on and muddle their way through things. The rest of it follows Hamlet with the addition of the play troupe entering and trying to explain to R & G what's going on.

Things get a bit convoluted in this movie. The language a bit dense and they talk rather quickly so it can be hard to follow. When you do understand it, the banter is really entertaining. It sticks close to the Shakespearean playing with words style so characters converse using the same words but talking about 2 completely different things. It's also fun to watch Rosencrantz discover basic theories of life such as gravity, probability, displacement and paper airplanes.

3.25 shrubs of 5. Lower due to it's hard to follow nature. Pretty funny movie, though.

Be Cool

2005-07-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

Not a bad movie, nothing spectacular, though. Enjoyable at parts but overall kind of dull.

Travolta's character wants out of the movie industry to get into the music biz. When his buddy is killed in a hit, Travolta takes over. Somehow some Russians, Cedric the Entertainer and Vince Vaughn all end up wanting him dead but all are killing each other.

This movie has some very funny parts. Vince Vaughn is always good though he gets a bit annoying. The Rock is awesome here. He's just so funny playing a gay bodygaurd/singer/actor. Uma is nothing in particular. Her part is just kind of blase. Travolta will probably go down like Shatner as another over-actor. While decent, at parts he's a bit melodramatic. The story has a few clever parts but it gets repetitive and drags on. Probably could have been shorter and been more enjoyable.

2.75 shrubs of 5. Slightly better than average. The funny saves it from being dreadful.

The Green Butchers

2005-07-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

Absolutely hilarious. Those Danes know how to make a good movie. Have to watch it with subtitles but it's good.

Two idiots work for a butcher. They don't get along with him and open their own shop. They accidental freeze and kill their electrician in the meat locker. One panics and sells the meat. The people love it. Hilarity ensues.

I loved it. Starts off flipping hilarious, gets a little serious (still good) and ends with hilarity again. The two main characters are idiots. More idiots are introduced. It's a great movie. Good, funny dialogue. Decent story. Funny characters.

4 of 5 shrubs. fantastically funny.

Batman Begins

2005-07-05T09:23:00.000-05:00

So I won't just do rental movies but the few movies I get to in theaters.

This movie was so damn awesome. It's better than the originals. It's more about Bruce becoming Batman than about the villians. Great, great movie.

Bruce Wayne is trying to find himself. His parents were killed and he blames himself. He wants revenge but does not have the means. He learns them.

This was a fantastic time. Despite not knowing the Batman story that well (the comic origins) this just felt right. This movie was superbly done. Acting (except maybe Katie Holmes but even she wasn't bad), writing, filmmaking all were supreme. Michael Caine is an awesome Alfred. It's got funny parts, good bits of action and a great story.

4.5 shrubs of 5. Go see this movie.

Pauly Shore is Dead

2005-07-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

Mildly amusing. Lots of celebrities.

Pauly Shore has had enough of being the butt and nobody liking him. So in order to remain famous, he fakes his death. But he gets busted.

The concept is interesting but it really goes nowhere. It's not all that funny with the plot or writing but what saves it is all the celebrity appearances. Especially good are those who make fun of themselves. Examples include Tom Sizemore and Tommy Lee. Also, not having seen many Pauly Shore movies and his stint on Mtv being before my time, I didn't get all the references. Could be a problem.

2 shrubs of 5. Watch with some friends and have a go at it.

Sideways

2005-07-04T20:37:00.000-05:00

Critics called a comedic genuis or the funniest movie of the year. They're wrong.

Movie is about 2 buddies going on a week-long winte tasting trip through CA in order to celebrate Jack's wedding on the coming Saturday. Miles is the depressed novelist/teacher who loves wine and is still working off his divorce from a year or two ago. Jack is the guy getting married and more of the wild guy. Jack intends to get laid and get Miles's mind off his "problems."

The movie is not really funny at all. There are a few funny parts, mostly just a scene involving the duo golfing. Maybe it's funny if you know anything about wine since that's all about anybody talks about. It's not a bad movie. The plot is kind of intriguing and the acting is pretty good. The ending is probably why the movie was nominated for awards since it's kind of different...kind of.

Overall, not bad. 2.5 shrubs of 5. It kills over 2 hours of your time, though it may feel like more.

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days

2005-06-30T15:16:00.000-05:00

This is a cutsey chic flic. I can usually dig these since they've usually got some pretty funny points. However, this one does not give you anything new or anything clever. Even the dialogue is predictable.

The two main characters (not going to bother with names) makes bets with co-workers for their jobs. The bets are complete opposites (I can get any woman to love me/I can make any man hate me). Of course, they end up doing the bets on each other. Movie ends now.

Nothing funny. Nothing new from the formula. Acting is pretty average.

1.5 shrubs of 5. Don't bother unless you're a complete sap.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

2005-06-30T15:10:00.000-05:00

Not worth seeing unless you want to make fun of it.

The movie is WWII eraish but it seems futurish. Gwen Paltrow is a reporter. Jude Law is your hero, Sky Captain. Places all over the world are invaded by big robots and it's Sky Captain to the rescue.

It's a highly predictable action type movie. Lots of special affects. The film affects are really good but the plot is really dumb. You know who's going to win. You know who's going to get the girl. What you can figure out is why he gets the girl or what the girl is doing in the movie. Paltrow's part is completely unnecessary. There is no point to her role. It's a forced romance. And forget her stupid camera!

The acting isn't bad. There's just nothing to work with. It's a dumb story from the outset.

Angelina Jolie can't even save the movie. She's not in it long enough and she's wearing far too much. There's back story there but they never tell you anything. Why does Jolie have the eye patch? Can I have the eye?

I give it 1.75 shrubs out of 5. You'll be happy when it's done.